Can't Find That Horse...

So I seem to not be able to find the frickin' horse so I can back on it! This is becoming ridiculous! I have been trying to do better in other aspects of my life (work, cleaning, money management) and my diet went right out the window. I haven't kept a food journal in almost a month! I ate two donuts this evening for cripes sake. Just because I have been craving it and I had a little extra cash in my pocket so I could get it. Go figure.

What little will power and ambition I had in the start has disappeared. I am back to the idealism.. I can picture doing it, I want to do it, but when it comes to the time to actually get off my butt and do it... well, I don't. I don't know if it's because I'm tired lately from working so much or if it is the change of the season and the rain, or what. What I do know is it needs to change, hardcore.

And blogging! My goodness! So I think I figured out the other day that I haven't been blogging because I keep think I need to write epic stories that are hundreds of thousands of characters long. I need to start keeping it short and sweet, just so I can stay up on it and keep thinking about it.

I've said this all before. I just need to find that damn horse. Has anybody seen it?

Ok! Ok!

Alright! I need to write! I know I know! Man have I gotten so bad. Diet wise as well. I'm doing fantastic with exercise now that it is nice out, going for walks and even doing little exercises in my apartment (yoga stretches, anyone?)... but my ice cream obsession and visits to the store completely negate any good I do. I'm floating around 351.4 and haven't budged for probably two weeks, despite some days of increased water weight. I still have not cracked my food journal open to even attempt to count the points. I've been buying whatever I want and eating it. I stock my fridge and pantry with good foods, and then I go to the store and buy bad foods and eat those instead. I need to just stop that. I need to get seriously determined and put up some roadblocks for myself.

I've started cleaning my apartment and am doing very very well. My living room looks great, and the kitchen is getting there... I need to finish up the dishes and put everything away and then it should be fine. My bedroom is a whole other issue, but I'll get there, and the bathroom is definitely not an issue. I think I can finish it this weekend if I put my mind to it. Then I can start working on my "yard" (otherwise known as the tiny patch of grass in front of my door) and get that cleaned up and plant some flowers for the summer. I'm trying to decide if I want to pull up some rock that is in front of my stoop and plant some grown flowers into the dirt or if I want to try to grow something from a seed again. I didn't do very well last year. Maybe I'll try both. If I have enough money I will.

So I am finally getting another one of my short term goals done, which is fantastic. Now that it has been 6 weeks, I am going to review my goals.

Short Term Goals:

• Lose 10% of weight (36 pounds since start)
• Exercise 3-4 days a week
• Clean my apartment for a fresh start
• Get a new job that will better suit a healthy lifestyle
• Finish setting up blog to better track progress

Long Term Goals:

• Lose 168 pounds by January 2011
• Keep the weight off
• Work on psychological traps
• Ramp exercise up to more than walking, and do it 5 days a week.
• Blog progress at least 5 times a week, if not everyday
• Take full body pictures every 10 weeks

Ok... I have set up my blog, and am currently cleaning my apartment. This week I exercised 4 times, but I need to keep that up in order to count it as a success. And I haven't completed any of my long term goals. I am still happy with those goals, so I think I will keep them. I only need to add that I need to journal my food intake daily and also need to eat healthy. Still feasible.

I think this upcoming week is going to be tough because I will be working so much, but I might be able to make it. Hopefully. I will try to keep on top of myself, and try to hold myself accountable to this blog and SparkPeople. Someone other than myself for sure. My fingers are crossed for luck!

Pulling it Back Together

I think I've reached a point where I need to stop using being sick as an excuse and start to pull my life back together again. I am better, and my voice is coming back, and I can do ever day tasks. So there should be no excuse for me not cleaning my apartment, especially my dishes, no excuse for not having sent my rent yet, for just paying off my utilities last night, all that junk. And, well... it's really not just this past week, is it? I need to pull myself together in general and be an adult. I keep complaining to my dad that I am 22 and he needs to treat me like I am adult and not a toddler... but I sure don't act like it sometimes! This does tie in to my weight loss, so bear with me. What I am getting at is that I DO have the willpower and I DO have the ambition, but I am far too lazy most of the time. I can do this stuff. It's not that hard. I wonder what it is that makes me not want to do it. Where did I ever pick up this habit? It is not at all something that should have come from my family... immediate and extended, they are the hardest working people on the face of the planet! I just need a serious kick in the ass. And possibly a talk with a psychiatrist to really figure it out. Because this is ridiculous, and I have reached a point in my life that I absolutely need to be driven to succeed, or I will never go anywhere.

So, I need to stay on top of myself. This is my goal for the week. I need to behave like a responsible adult. I will not allow myself to live like this any longer! And if I can just get started and do it seriously, I think I can hang on to that and keep doing it. So, I will go to bed and get up at a normal time, I will eat all the meals I am supposed to, I will clean like I am supposed to, I will exercise like I supposed to... I will do it all this week! It will keep me busy, but I believe I can and this little "pep talk" is making me excited!!

In other news, my weight went up to 350.4 now that I am eating again, but that is still much better than it was. I now have the proper cord for my iPod (whom I have renamed Dieter, pronounced dee-ter... the thing looks German to me), and have uploaded MY music. I love it sooo much more now. Not that Jordan's music was bad, but I needed my Beatle and Bob Dylan fix badly. Yesterday I uploaded my workout playlist, which I am still building. I am happy with how it is now though. Definitely upbeat, and once it stops being so cold (it's April! C'mon!) I will certainly use it while on walks. I think it will help me kick up my pace. I also intend on starting to use the exercise plan provided to me by SparkPeople, which would be accomplished more easily if my living room was clean. I am going to be rearranging my furniture if I can get a brawny family member over here, and I hope that will open things up a little bit more so I can maybe even use my Dancing with the Stars workout tape. That takes up a lot of room.

So many plans! I hope this streak keeps going! But for now, I need to shower and head to bed so I can work in the morning. I can't wait for morning. =)