Rough Day

Well, it was a rough weekend. I didn't stay on top of myself like I had hoped, especially yesterday. In fact, Sunday was the worst day of all. Friday and Saturday weren't too horrible. Sunday though.... by the time I reached my parents house for supper, I still had 30 points left to use. Thats insane! And I had eaten things, it just was that I hadn't eaten enough.

Unfortunately, I used all the points and then some. I am sure. Dad made a delicious enchilada casserole thing... basically just enchiladas without their usual form. I ate probably two servings of that because I was so hungry. I then ate a cookie and a brownie that they had been saving for me, and took an epic three hour nap on their couch. Man was I tired. As I should have been... I didn't get to sleep until almost 4am, and Mark made me come in to work today despite my protests otherwise. See, he had overscheduled himself for the week and needed to take one day off. He was insistent that it had to be Sunday. Not any of the other days I had off for the week. He is such an idiot. I know he just didn't want to be there. Plus he screwed up a whole bunch of orders before he left and I had to fix them when I got there.

But this is a diet blog, not a managers suck blog. Though I think he might have contributed to my downfall. Maybe.

So I am exhausted, tired, stressed, and pissed off already. I weighed myself tonight, and I have gained .8lbs. It's not a lot... close to one pound. However, I like to make mountains out of molehills. Always have been that way. And I am so frustrated with how things are going. So what do I do? I go to the grocery store. Of course.

My original plan was to buy some Special K Crackers (probably the healthiest crackers I've seen to date!) and Burt's Bees. Then I walked past the baking aisle and saw some frosting. Man did I want that frosting. I looked at the cake mixes... naw, didn't really want to make a cake. Cookies? Oh god.. cookies. They looked so good on the packages. But I didn't want to pay so much for the mixes. Chocolate chips? Oooo... Peanut Butter Chips. Shoot. I don't have brown sugar or baking soda/power/whatever you need for cookies. Forgo that idea. I really wanted chocolate... oh cupcakes. I head over to the bakery... ohemgee M&M cookies. And everyone knows Cash Wise has the best M&M cookies. They are so soft and delicious. I got them. And opened them before I even pulled out of the parking lot. And I proceeded to eat at least 5 of them before I got to my apartment. And then I ate 3 more. And then I felt all weird because I had eaten so much sugar, so I ate a couple of crackers. Which turned into a couple of crackers and cottage cheese. Which turned into massive guilt and hating my body and being angry at myself.

I know we all have our bad diet days and we should just shake it off and move on... but I feel like I am having too many bad diet days! Frustration is creeping in, and it feels so much worse this time because I really do want to lose this weight. A lot. In fact, I have started dreaming that I am thin. That is really amazing, because in all of my years I have never once dreamt that I was thin. It's strange. I've always just been myself. The past three days have been different.

I'm freaking out over nothing, I know. Man... it just feels silly. But right now I feel so hopeless... helpless. I'm not sure why. I just wish it was easier, like I could just lop the fat off with a knife and go on my merry way.

I need to go exercising this week. My mom wants me to do this indoor walking DVD with her, and I really don't want to. I feel silly exercising in front of a TV. I want to be outside. So if it's nice tomorrow, I'm going for a walk. I don't know where yet, but I'm sure I will be bringing my camera with so I can start to feel good about something! If you want to go with me and you have my phone number, please call me or text. If you don't have my number, facebook me. I also have evenings off almost all week, and am completely off Thursday and Friday if you would like to hook up then. I will be going either way. It would be nice to have some company. And maybe someone to have a coffee or.. carrot with afterwards. haha. Please join me! The more the merrier.